i permit you to call me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
