I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
