we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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