Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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