Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
