she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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