it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
