I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
