My balls are so social today.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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