i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
