i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
