i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
