This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
There's even glitter on my cock...
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