yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
