i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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