I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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