He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.