That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
