On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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