I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
