While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
