Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
