who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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