she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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