If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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