I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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