I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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