You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
