I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize