just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
