I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night