If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
