I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
