At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
barbara walters just said penis...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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