Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
