dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
