I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
