Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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