Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
