A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
