Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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