literally had 100 drinks last night.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize