You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
