Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
