Can i not drive my cunt home
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
