he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
