How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
