So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
