im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
