Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
