I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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