checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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