i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
