after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
