Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
