Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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