She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
