I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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