I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
areolas are like halos for boobs.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
