my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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