And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
