I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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