I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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