She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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