I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
