Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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