after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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