i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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