You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
