I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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