Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
