how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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